Thursday, 12 March 2015

Looking Ahead (It's Kinda Scary)

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It really does feel like only a short time ago when I was choosing to go abroad for my last year of high school. I know that I have changed since that January I applied four years ago, which is how I know it really was so long ago, but I remember the process vividly. I couldn't believe that I would possibly be heading to Switzerland that September. But then came the acceptance and I was soon on my way. That seemed far. That was me looking way too far ahead and such a big change was incomprehensible. 

Now, in my second (or third, technically) year of university, I am looking toward to the end of this chunk of my life. I am closer to graduating university than I am to my high school graduation. I wear my grad ring like it came in the mail a month ago and I think about trips that I went on or fun nights as though they are recent. In relation to my life at the moment, they are not. Now, I'm thinking about courses that will fill my requirements; how to fit in two minors that I really (but do I really?) want to fit in; what other courses and subjects interest me and fitting those in (like French); volunteering to juice up my CV; scheduling plentiful amounts of appointments for advisors; and then coming to the conclusion that I need to work my ass off even more than I had before regardless of what I do because I think I want to go to grad school (but still, uncertainty there too). 

I was recently offered an exchange position for the winter semester next year and while it is all very exciting, I'm having to think that much father into the future. I've always been that person anyways. I'm constantly re-evaluating things when I see the long term implications, good or bad. 

I struggle with keeping my mindset in the present. Yes, looking to the future is important. But it often distracts me from what is going on around me now. This includes school work to. Sometimes I get so anxious and wound up about thinking into the future (near or distant) that I push away studies because I can't think about anything else. 
I'm getting better though. And I know I'm not the only one - that would be all too naive of me. But I'm just trying my best to think about how things that I push aside will actually help me in the long run, and it is pretty huge. 

The upcoming weeks (and this past week) will probably see me in this mindset. So, so much to deal with - but it is good. It is exciting. Heck, I'm going to be in ENGLAND this time next year! There will be loads and loads and boat-friggen-loads more to do until that time comes, but it will be all forgotten once I reach that point I am looking to (and then again when I look to graduation, etc.). I hope I graduate happy with my GPA and my degree and my time in school. Right now, I am 99.99% sure I will (I'm hardly certain about anything). But first, I will focus on what I need to reach now

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